Make Believe Wife Read online

  It’s all going to take a hell of a lot of getting used to. I thought that staying still would be a problem for me, that sooner or later I’d get the urge to move, like a gypsy. But every morning when I wake up the only thing I feel is contentment.

  I can’t find Helen. There are just too many people here. I turn my eyes away from my own face on the wall and push back through the crowd. As exciting as this world is, the fake conversations and insincere smiles grate against me. Not a single one of them can answer a question honestly.

  Lisa tells me to keep my raw grit as long as I can. The industry needs it and if I keep my integrity intact, my work will stay in top form.

  I still don’t get what people are talking about when they say that. I don’t try, I don’t compete. I just get in front of the camera and stay still. I’ve done several photo shoots now and I can honestly say, I’m not doing anything different to what the other girls are.

  Well. Maybe not so obviously loving myself. You never know.

  Just when I’m about to start crowing Helen’s name above everyone’s heads, spotlights focus on a podium at the bottom of the stairs. Lisa is there with her black hair piled on top of her head, stunning hourglass figure strapped into a glittering gold dress. She takes the mic and roars for everyone’s attention.

  “Thank you, thank you all for coming! This is to celebrate the formal expansion of Girl on Girl Glamour, and launch it’s sister publication, ‘Pink Kink Zone!’

  Clapping roars around the room. It just sounds a bit dull to me, so I add a few whoops.

  “Here we have the woman of the hour, the creator of Pink Kink Zone, Helen Shaw!”

  Seeing her come up on stage actually brings a tear to my eyes. She looks absolutely beautiful. She’s wearing a bright blue formal dress patterned with purple hummingbirds. The flowing skirt falls into the pattern of vines and leaves in mixed colors while the hummingbirds dance across her bodice.

  I helped her pick it out. No more beige, white or black if I have anything to say about it. She’s a gorgeous woman and she should be proud of it.

  “Let’s not forget our other guest of honor, the budding model taking the world by storm, Roxanne Leeton!”

  Now there are some cheers as well as some clapping, but I duck down low. They can’t make me go up there.

  “Where is she? Roxy, if you don’t move that tiny butt I’m coming in after you!”

  The crowd laughs, but I keep my head down.

  “Here she is!” A blonde woman grabs my shoulder and shoves me forward. Crap, it’s one of the other models.

  “Get up there!” She scolds. “It’s your big moment!”

  I just stand there in a state of shock as the crowd parts. Just when I think it can’t get any worse, they swivel the spotlight on to me. I can’t swallow all of a sudden. Everyone’s looking at me!

  Then flashes begin to appear in the crowd. People are taking my photo. Of course they are. Then I see the small glowing red light nearby and I know I’m being filmed.

  I could scream when the feed is suddenly projected on the wall and there I am. They really make sure the guys in the back can see me, don’t they?

  “Come on up here, Roxy!” Lisa yells. “Everyone take a look at that gown! This my friends is a Roxy Lee original! Within a few months these designs will be available for sale!”

  Holy what? I didn’t know about that! All I knew was that I picked fabric and played around with it for awhile and some chick good with a needle spun me out a dress.

  It’s bright red silk, so crisp it has that iridescent quality. The red sheath hugs me tight, low and straight across the chest and high up on the thigh. Against the bright red background, the over gown of black cobweb patterned mesh flows with long full sleeves and flowing skirt, medieval meets modern.

  Helen stands next to Lisa, laughing as they hug on stage. She beckons to me and I start walking, almost running.

  I’m not scared to go anywhere my baby can go.

  I can move pretty fast now that I’ve decided I’m never wearing heels again. I chose super shiny punk boots that lace right up to the thighs to go with my little creation. Everyone decided spiking my hair out with red and black extensions was a great idea as well.

  I don’t recognize the woman running up the stairs to embrace Helen and Lisa. The change happened too fast. It was like I just woke up one morning and the world had rearranged itself around me.

  It doesn’t matter. None of it matters.

  My hand meets Helen’s and we kiss, right there on stage. Lisa mentions the up and coming wedding and I wave my ring for the cheers of the crowd.

  While Lisa talks about our artistic talent and creative vision, Helen and I cuddle close, ignoring the world. The room might be full of noise but right here, just between us is a wealth of silence. It’s only there that two souls can truly understand each other.

  Lisa winds down and we take a couple of steps away from the podium. Helen twists a loose strand of hair next to my cheek and I stretch up to kiss her.

  As I come down from my tip toes, Helen looks behind me and her face falls. It’s so sudden and tragic I think the ceiling must be falling in. When I turn around, I see only a small group of people. An older woman and man with a younger pair.

  When the older man steps forward and the light hits his ashy blonde hair, it looks familiar to me. The woman by his side in a very proper high-necked dress has eyes that flash green even at this distance.

  That’s when I realize who it must be.

  Helen’s family.

  Thirty-Five

  Helen

  Minute by minute, this night has just keeps taking me higher.

  I was so nervous in this dress, but Roxy wouldn’t hear a word of protest. She said it was perfect for me and after several arguments, I had no choice but to agree. It’s the sort of thing I’ve always wanted to wear but never had the courage.

  I was expecting a small gathering of maybe twenty people. Just a few editors and publishers I’d met before at other functions. Lisa really hit me from behind with the size of this event.

  Along with every top publisher in the city there are others from private houses that are interested in my work. Photographers and models are literally crawling out of the woodwork to get in on the new magazine and all the related publications.

  I know that Lisa is using this launch for her own publicity and to improve her own magazine, but the fact that I produced something good enough to do that still has me reeling.

  My work isn’t just good. It’s fucking fantastic. I’ve had enough people tell me that, so I had better start believing it.

  As Roxy and I step down from the stage I kiss her deeply and I think that I could ask the world for nothing. Not anymore. I’ve become someone I never knew I could be, transformed my life from a boring routine into an explosion of excitement that gets bigger every day.

  Right at the heart of it all, Roxy. Roxy and me.

  As I lift my head from her lips, I get a clear line of sight over her shoulder and that’s when I see them.

  My family.

  Father steps towards us first and mother follows a step behind. My brother and sister, Mark and Lily, follow behind mother.

  They are still in school and they have to live by his rule. Both of them keep their eyes down. Mother looks positively severe and I can’t make out fathers’ expression at all.

  This is it. He’s going to disown me. You know what? I’ve been afraid of it for years. I’m not afraid anymore. Let him do his worst.

  I could sit here and talk about how the Pink Kink section is all about artistic expression, that it’s just a job, but I’m not going to. I’m doing this because I believe in it, because I honestly hold to the truth that kink is an expression that allows human beings to explore their most base natures in a safe place. I think that greater intimacy and trauma healing can come from it.

  And if he wants to argue with me, then by damn get us a bottle of whisky and I’ll go shot for shot with him all ni
ght.

  I stand up straight and stride towards them. I hold Roxy’s hand too tight, but she doesn’t mind. She can feel how cold and clammy my skin is and she knows how important this is to me.

  “Mother, father. This is my fiancée, Roxy.”

  They knew I was gay, so this isn’t so much of a big deal. I’m sure they were expecting me to find a nice boy some day… Or at least a woman in a collared blouse instead of thigh high punk boots.

  Dad smiles. It’s such a rare sight I can’t look away. He holds out a gentle hand to Roxy.

  “Pleased to meet you, sir.” She mutters.

  “Nonsense my dear. You must call me Robert.”

  My blood is pounding so hard in my temples I think I’m going to faint. I can barely see. What the fuck is going on here?

  “I’m Mary.” Mother steps past father and takes Roxy’s hand. “Welcome to the family, dear.”

  Roxy crumples a little bit and Mom hugs her. I think I’m actually going to melt like the wicked witch. This is too much stress.

  Lily grins and rolls her eyes at me, coming around to introduce herself to Roxy. Mark quickly takes her other arm and my siblings lean into her, whispering furiously. I’m worried they might be freaking her out but when she gives her big Roxy sized laugh, I know she’s okay. I can’t imagine what they have to talk about, though.

  “Darling.” Mother presses her cheek to mine. Father comes and hugs me, just gently putting a kiss on my cheek.

  “What are you guys doing here? I sent you an invite, but you never replied.”

  “That lovely woman who runs your show—Lisa, is it? She called and got us a limo and rooms in the hotel. Very nice of her.”

  “Okay.” I still can’t breathe.

  “She sent us advance copies of your new magazine, too dear.” Mother winks. She actually winks and tilts her head at me.

  “Digital and print.” Father affirms.

  I snatch a drink from a passing waiter and slam it down my throat. I don’t even know what it was. It doesn’t help to calm me down.

  “Sweetheart.” Mother holds my upper arms firmly to look into my eyes. “I have never seen you look so beautiful. That dress, the colors—but not just that. Your eyes, your smile. You’re a changed woman. I’m so proud of you.”

  “But—”

  “Now now,” Father shakes his head, stepping forward to rub my back. “I know you’re nervous about this kinky thing—what is it?”

  I almost die on the spot hearing my father say, ‘kink thing.’

  “Ah, yes. Got it. Shi-bar-ee.”

  I nod uncertainly.

  “It’s quite beautiful, isn’t it? I mean, not for the faint of heart, but—” His eyes trail up on to the wall, where images from the magazine are cycling through. My photos, my ties. My Roxy.

  “Well. All I want to say is, if it makes you happy, you should go for it. I always knew you were holding yourself back. Now I know why.”

  He steps up and puts an arm around my waist while Mom gets on my other side. Both of them squeeze me tight.

  “Don’t hold back for anything, ever.” Dad whispers. “Look at all this, just look! You did it all. Whatever you need to make a happy life, go ahead and do it. I’m just sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t be yourself.”

  Now I am crying. I can feel the tears running down my cheeks. I start sniffing and I know, this is it, my makeup is ruined.

  “I love seeing you so happy sweetheart.” Mum gives me an even tighter hug. “I mean, I’m not saying it’s going to be easy explaining this at the church picnic, but—”

  I burst out laughing, the stress finally reaching a point where that’s all I can do. Roxy is released by my brother and sister to run over to me and she throws herself into my arms.

  When our lips come together, the night fades away. I can feel my family surrounding us with love and this, this is more than I could have ever asked for.

  I was too afraid to ask for it. Too scared to go for it. I needed Roxy to smash into my life with the force of a freight train to make me change my life.

  Maybe I needed her more than she needed me.

  But that doesn’t matter anymore.

  Because we’re together now. And we always will be.